by Tommy Gimler
Let’s be honest. Using sabermetrics to determine how good MLB players are these days is almost as trendy as an East Coast frat house rape, and WAR (Wins Above Replacement) is usually deemed as the most useful of said metrics. So, we’re going to temporarily transform into Brian Fucking Kennys and use WAR to see who would be starting the All-Star Game if for some stupid reason that was the only stat that was used to determine them.
Here’s who the fans have chosen or injury has forced to start the 85th MLB All-Star Game, which thousands of people will watch this Tuesday night on FOX:
American League
C – Salvador Perez, Kansas City Royals
1B – Miguel Cabrera, Detroit Tigers
2B – Robinson Cano, Seattle Mariners
3B – Josh Donaldson, Oakland Athletics
SS – Derek Jeter, New York Yankees
OF – Mike Trout, Los Angeles Angels
OF – Jose Bautista, Toronto Blue Jays
OF – Adam Jones, Baltimore Orioles
DH – Nelson Cruz, Baltimore Orioles
National League
C – Jonathan Lucroy, Milwaukee Brewers
1B – Paul Goldschmidt, Arizona Diamondbacks
2B – Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies
3B – Aramis Ramirez, Milwaukee Brewers
SS – Troy Tulowitzki, Colorado Rockies
OF – Andrew McCutchen, Pittsburgh Pirates
OF – Carlos Gomez, Milwaukee Brewers
OF – Yasiel Puig, Los Angeles Dodgers
DH – Giancarlo Stanton, Miami Marlins
Now, let’s all be giant dorks and see what the starting lineups would look like based solely on WAR:
American League
C – Salvador Perez, Kansas City Royals
1B – Miguel Cabrera, Detroit Tigers
2B – Ian Kinsler, Detroit Tigers
3B – Josh Donaldson, Oakland Athletics
SS – Erick Aybar, Los Angeles Angels
OF – Mike Trout, Los Angeles Angels
OF – Michael Brantley, Cleveland Indians
OF – Alex Gordon, Kansas City Royals
DH – Jose Altuve, Houston Astros (highest offensive WAR not already starting)
National League
C – Jonathan Lucroy, Milwaukee Brewers
1B – Paul Goldschmidt, Arizona Diamondbacks
2B – Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies
3B – Todd Frazier, Cincinnati Reds
SS – Troy Tulowitzki, Colorado Rockies
OF – Giancarlo Stanton, Miami Marlins
OF – Andrew McCutchen, Pittsburgh Pirates
OF – Jason Heyward, Atlanta Braves
DH - Hunter Pence, San Francisco Giants (highest offensive WAR not already starting)
Discussion
Either through fan voting or injury, 10 of the 18 starters would have also been there if MLB would have selected players based solely on WAR. The problem with doing that, though, is that WAR takes into consideration a player’s defense, and you show me one MLB fan who selected an All-Star based on his defense, and I’ll show you somebody with Downs. I mean, Jason Fucking Heyward? The dude is hitting .247 and slugging a very pussy-ish .364.
With the exception of Ramirez at third for the NL instead of Frazier and maybe Cano at second for the AL instead of Altuve, the fans and karma pretty much got it right again. The argument against fans voting for MLB All-Stars holds almost as much ground as the argument in favor of paying for internet porn…