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The Top 10 Current Baseball Players Whose Names Sound Like Disgusting Sex Moves
by Tommy Gimler Unless you have the number one profile on Christian Mingle, then odds are that not only have you heard of the “Cleveland Steamer” or “Dirty Sanchez” but you can also give step-by-step...
View ArticleHow Well Do You Know Sports When There’s No Internet Connection?
by Tommy Gimler American Airlines should be ashamed of themselves. I mean, how in the hell is there no Gogo internet connection halfway through the year 2014 on a six-fucking-hour flight from Boston...
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The Most Overpaid MLB Players Of 2014 So Far
by Tommy Gimler You know B.J. Upton is going to make the list, but who else is going to join him on the podium of overpaid turds? 6. B.J. Upton – OF, Atlanta Braves – $14.05 million The Atlanta Braves...
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The DUD MLB Midseason Awards: American League
by Tommy Gimler If you had Baltimore’s Nelson Cruz tied atop the American League home run leaderboard and Houston’s Jose Altuve as the AL batting champ at the midway point, you’re a fucking liar....
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The Funniest First Half Breakdown For All 30 MLB Teams
by Tommy Gimler Brewers and Athletics fans probably have permaboners, as their respective teams have been hotter than Kate Upton and Imogen Thomas bumping hump holes. Meanwhile, if the old fucks in...
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The DUD’s MLB All-Star Ballot
by Tommy Gimler Matt Wieters continues to lead American League catchers in All-Star voting despite the fact that he hasn’t played in a game since May 10, and he won’t see any action until sometime in...
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Unacceptable Jerseys For True Baseball Fans – Volume 4
by Tommy Gimler It’s July 4th weekend, and you know what that means. Thousands of people will be flocking to a ballpark near you sporting a jersey with some turd’s name on the back of it who is...
View ArticleAndrew Rector Sues MLB & ESPN After Falling Asleep At A Game, Is A Big Pile...
by Frank Rhombus If Andrew Rector’s fat ass thought the “verbal crusade” against him after he was caught by ESPN cameras napping at a Yankees-Red Sox game in April was unbearable, wait until he has...
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What If MLB All-Star Game Starters Were Based Solely On WAR?
by Tommy Gimler Let’s be honest. Using sabermetrics to determine how good MLB players are these days is almost as trendy as an East Coast frat house rape, and WAR (Wins Above Replacement) is usually...
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The Argument For And Against Major League Baseball Reinstating Pete Rose
by Tommy Gimler MLB commissioner Rob Manfred couldn’t give two fucks that Pete Rose is his sport’s all-time hit leader. According to The New York Times, Manfred denied Rose’s third appeal to be...
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The DUD Hands Out Their MLB First Half Awards
by Tommy Gimler Try finding another site who’s dishing out the “Kate Upton’s Yams” award. The MLB All-Star Game starts in 12 minutes. Here’s something for you to chew on before that. The Butthole...
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Here Are The Top 5 MLB Players Weekend Jersey Names You’ll See This Year
by Tommy Gimler And congrats to Zack Greinke for having zero fun by going with “Greinke” and once again winning the award for the biggest bug up his ass. MLB bringing a real game to the Little League...
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MLB Warns All Players To Stop Buying Their Boner Pills At Gas Stations
by Tommy Gimler I’ll be honest. Wawa makes a hell of a sandwich, but odds are if you’re looking for the safest way to still get blood lumber in bed with your wife 13 years and 62 pounds later, you’re...
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Three MLB Headlines We Could Have Seen From What Should Have Been Opening...
by Frank Rhombus Life without baseball is just like any song from Lil Wayne: it fucking blows. COVID-19 has not only destroyed the health and well-being of thousands of people around the globe, but it...
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