by Tommy Gimler
In case you’re not paying attention to the Oakland Athletics, and because they’re the Oakland Athletics we’re assuming you aren’t, the American League leader in wins is Bartolo Colon, a 40-year-old convicted cheater who was a piece of pig shit before he started receiving injections of PEDs.
Even a fucking retard like Lindsay Lohan could look at Colon’s last six years and see what’s going on. Following an outstanding 2005 season where he finished 21-8 with a 3.48 ERA and 1.16 WHIP, Colon was a turd for the next five years, sporting a record of 22-31 win an ERA north of 4.00 in four of those five seasons.
Then, magically, Colon regained his former dominance and won ten games last season for Oakland before receiving a 50-game suspension for doping. His 3.43 ERA and 1.21 WHIP were his lowest marks since 2005, and everybody with half a brain finally learned why.
So, when you look at Colon’s 2013 record of 9-2 attached to an ERA of 2.89 and WHIP of 1.10, don’t be a fucking idiot. He’s 40 years old, he’s fatter than all hell, and he’s juicing…
