by Tommy Gimler
The Tribe won their final ten games last year, and they needed every single one of them to make their first trip to the postseason since 2007. A return trip in 2014 isn’t out of the question, as most of their lineup is still intact from a year ago, and they have one of the best managers in the game. But if Cleveland slips this year, it will probably be because their pitching staff is a bigger question mark than Kanye West’s sexuality.
Offense
The Indians scored 745 runs a year ago, the fifth best mark in all of baseball. Many of those came via the long ball, as their 171 bombs were the tenth-highest total. 10 different batters finished with double-digit home run totals for the Tribe, and eight of them are on the 2014 roster. One of them is Jason Kipnis, and he is poised to have a big enough year that will earn him strong consideration for making the list of guys who can plow my sister.
It looks like the big name from the CC Sabathia trade isn’t turd Matt LePorta but rather Michael Brantley. The outfielder’s .284 batting average was tied for the best last year among Indians hitters, and he compiled double-digit totals in both home runs and stolen bases. Fellow outfielder Michael Bourn was a bigger dud a year ago than R.I.P.D. If the Indians are going to play October baseball this year, he’ll have to play like he isn’t on the Astros anymore.
Nobody is for certain as to who is going to play third base for Cleveland, but if they can convert Carlos Santana into an everyday player there, it’ll be a huge boost. Nobody wants to see Lonnie Chisenhall play the hot corner in 2014, probably not even Lonnie Chisenhall.
And David Murphy blows…
Pitching
Simply put, Cleveland’s pitching staff is average. If the Tribe is going to go back to the postseason this year, it’ll be because they win a lot of 7-5 games. Justin Masterson is solid atop the rotation and Corey Kluber was a nice surprise last year, going 11-5 with a 3.85 ERA in 24 starts. But after that, we’re about as excited about the Indians’ starting pitching as we are about getting a colonoscopy. Daniel Salazar will likely face an innings cap and Zach McAllister is nothing better than a number four or five starter. Prospect Trevor Bauer is shitting the bed again this spring, so it’s anybody’s guess who’ll lock up the Tribe’s fifth spot. If it winds up being Shaun Marcum, good fucking luck.
There is good news for Cleveland fans in regards to pitching. The fat fucking joke known as Chris Perez is finally gone. The bad news is they replaced him with somebody even worse in John Axford…
Key Acquisition(s): None, really. I mean, John Axford and David Murphy, but they are both fucking turds.
Key Departure(s): None, really. I mean, Drew Stubbs and Chris Perez, but they were both fucking turds.
Sexiness of Schedule: The Indians have a tougher interleague schedule that features NL West opponents as well as the Cincinnati Reds, but Cleveland gets 38 games against the White Sox and Twins, including nine in September to go along with four against the pig shit Astros. They also get six against Detroit in September, so if they’re close at that point, their fate will be in their own mitts. If Kate Upton is a 10 and Precious is a 1, we’re giving Cleveland’s 2014 schedule a 6, or in other words, Kim Basinger ten years ago. If we would have made it a 4, we would have said Kim Basinger now…
Why They Will Win: The Tribe beat the piss out of the White Sox and Twins a year ago to the tune of a 30-8 record. They do the same thing again as Jason Kipnis puts up MVP numbers, Michael Bourn plays like he’s worth $12 million a year and steals damn near 60 bases, and John Axford almost returns to his 2011 form and only blows two saves.…
Why They Won’t Win: Cleveland was curb stomped by the Tigers a year ago, going just 4-15 against the division champs. It happens again, as Cleveland’s pitching is exposed for what it really is: terrible…
2013 season: 92-70 (1st, AL Central)
2014 Predictions
Vegas: 80 wins (2nd, AL Central)
The DUD: 82-80 (3rd, AL Central)
Clay Davenport (Baseball Prospectus): 85-77 (2nd, AL Central)
FanGraphs.com: 81-81 (2nd, AL Central)
Ben Berkon (Bleacher Report): 2nd place, AL Central